12-31-16

We--Patrick and I--went to a party on New Years Eve which we almost never do and I got pretty tipsy and ended up doing some drugs, which I definitely never do. One of the drugs was supposed to take you back in time. I knew it wouldn't really. It was something I had never heard of so I didn't know what the dangers were and normally that would keep me from taking it but the pill supplier was adorable and we had been sitting on the couch most of the evening flirting and smoking pot. I felt like saying no would kill the vibe. I joked that maybe I would fix all my mistakes and would end up spending New Years Eve in Monaco or something. He said maybe I could do something really interesting and have something to talk about because I was really boring. We laughed, I took the pill. Of course I didn't go back in time. I thought about it though, it was in the back of my mind the rest of the evening, like, would I still be married to Patrick? Would we still have our son, Cody? I am always dissatisfied with my life, always thinking of the things I should have doe differently. But sitting on the couch at Todd and Regina's I felt very content. There was a fire and good music and the people there were really wonderful and funny and accomplished. Maybe it was the wine or the pot or that little pill, but I felt pretty happy with my life.